Finally, Deanna (ahhhh, the song) has found true love. Finally, she is engaged. Finally, Deanna (ok, I will stop, but you try not singing Jesse's opus) has found the man of her dreams. Finally, The Bachelor(ette) series has found a couple that may actually have chemistry.
It all started off so drearily--endless filler and flashbacks. Faces from the past flash by (ah, Graehme, we hardly knew ye), and then it is time for the dreaded VISIT TO DEANNA's FAMILY. They seem a nice enough bunch. Dad seems a bit conservative and testy, but the rest are innocuous enough. Jason goes first, bearing flowers for Deanna and an Easter Basket for the family. Hopefully, Peeps were involved. He has great chemistry----with Dad. Even the mention of Tie, (Ty? Tye? Ti?), his golf-ball lovin' son, didn't dissuade Daddy. He doesn't even need to meet the hippy snow-boarder. You can tell Jesse is gonna be in for a rough go. Then, the nice young man and Deanna go shark-diving or some such nonsense. Wow, he's so crazy. He can't believe that Deanna set up such a crazy date (like she actually plans these things). She tries to act enthusiastic but clearly not so much. Jason wants a wife/mother to complete his little family. As a wise person said, if Deanna picks him, its because she is in love with being in love (or somethin glike that, I should have written it down, sorry Tracy).
Now it is time for Jesse to Meet the Parent. Dad is a bit obsessed with sk8erboi's hair. Its like a 1960's My Three Sons episode. Jesse is nervous, awkward, and doesn't seem to hit if off with the family. But, he does have great chemistry with "D" (I love the nickname). They go off on their alone date, and the chemistry is totally apparent. D should be Jesse's Girl, to quote Rick Springfield.
Awkward moment time--the dear departed Jeremy (already long forgotten) has decided that it would be fun to grovel at Deanna's (OK, OK) feet. He begs, pleads, whines AND cajoles, but Deanna is unmoved. She tries to break his heart gently, but in the end, he leaves, devestated, just before security has to be called (just kidding, they were standing by).
Now, more fun. Meet the extended crazy Greek family!!! That's right, they are zany characters, just like in the movie! Those darn Greeks! And, get this, Jesse is sitting there when the doorbel rings....and its Jason. THose darn producers! Most of the family loves Jason, the nice young man, while everyone (especially ZaZA, the wacky grandmother) is a little put off by doing "nugs"--a sk8erboi special fistpump--incessantly. ZaZa and PoPo (it was not as inane as it sounds) declare their undying love for one another, and wish the same for Deanna, so long as they don't have to do any more nugs.
The guys babble a bit, buy rings, and here is the big moment. Jason is first. He staggers in (really, he had he oddest Lurch-like walk) and almost immediately kneels. Deanna yanks him to his feet, mumbles some banal almost but not quite language to him, and sends him packing. Good. Go back to Tie and register for e-Harmony.
Sk8erboi comes in, and bells ring, birds sing, a rainbow forms, and our love birds are engaged! (btw, thank God Jesse asked Pops for permission, because D would have dumped him otherwise). For once, a happy and perhaps real ending for our show, as D and Sk8.... ride off into the sunset (or until After the Final Rose, a compilation and interview post-game show). They seem happy, they look good, Dad didn't look too disapointed, Jason didn't look too sad, and Twilley didn't show up.
Until next season, then, let's all sing one final chorus of "Deanna" and salute our lovebirds.
08 July 2008
04 July 2008
These Are A Few of my Favorite Bands
So, musical theater title aside, I thought I would post on a few obscure bands that you all might enjoy. My taste runs to the eclectic, although in at least one case, I will take credit for discovering the band some time ago.
Dengue Fever: Dengue Fever is a "Cambodian Pop Rock Psychadelic Dance Party." Now who the hell isn't up for that? It is a crazy mix of late 60-early 70's grooves with amazing vocals in Cambodian. They are playing Central Park tomorrow and the Black Cat Club here in DC on Sunday. Check them out here for a taste of their music.
The Ting-Tings: This group is starting to get some play here in the States, but has been huge in the UK for a while now. They are originally from the Manchester area, and play a very catchy brand of indie-pop. On tour in the States now, will be in DC on July 22, and in Brooklyn this month as well. You can check them out here, I recommend starting with "Shut Up and Let Me Go." I dare you--in fact double-dare you--to not bounce along. I regularly do my upper-body only dance to this band.
Les Sans Cullottes: They are self-described as "the revolutionary French rock-and-roll band." Listen to them here before reading on. Go on, now I said to listen before reading on--don't make me tell you again....It is all a put-on! That is right, as described by NPR (who wouldn't joke around unnecessarily), "A French-style '60s band has taken New York by storm. But most of the members of Les Sans Culottes are Americans. Their act is a musical takeoff on the French pop music of an era far more famous in America for the British invasion led by The Beatles."
Stereo Total: Probably the best-known of the band's on today's list. They are a French-German duo, based in Berlin, that plays very interesting Pop-Electronic music. You can check them out here
That's all for now. I will periodically add more bands to the list, and encourage your offbeat (i.e. I recognize the Beatles are good) bands.
Cheers.
Dengue Fever: Dengue Fever is a "Cambodian Pop Rock Psychadelic Dance Party." Now who the hell isn't up for that? It is a crazy mix of late 60-early 70's grooves with amazing vocals in Cambodian. They are playing Central Park tomorrow and the Black Cat Club here in DC on Sunday. Check them out here for a taste of their music.
The Ting-Tings: This group is starting to get some play here in the States, but has been huge in the UK for a while now. They are originally from the Manchester area, and play a very catchy brand of indie-pop. On tour in the States now, will be in DC on July 22, and in Brooklyn this month as well. You can check them out here, I recommend starting with "Shut Up and Let Me Go." I dare you--in fact double-dare you--to not bounce along. I regularly do my upper-body only dance to this band.
Les Sans Cullottes: They are self-described as "the revolutionary French rock-and-roll band." Listen to them here before reading on. Go on, now I said to listen before reading on--don't make me tell you again....It is all a put-on! That is right, as described by NPR (who wouldn't joke around unnecessarily), "A French-style '60s band has taken New York by storm. But most of the members of Les Sans Culottes are Americans. Their act is a musical takeoff on the French pop music of an era far more famous in America for the British invasion led by The Beatles."
Stereo Total: Probably the best-known of the band's on today's list. They are a French-German duo, based in Berlin, that plays very interesting Pop-Electronic music. You can check them out here
That's all for now. I will periodically add more bands to the list, and encourage your offbeat (i.e. I recognize the Beatles are good) bands.
Cheers.
Happy Fourth of July!
I know you all thought this was nothing but a blog about shallow reality television shows like Legally Blonde: The Search for the Next Elle Woods (wow, that one girl tried so hard, but she had bronchitis.....but I digress).
Anyways, this article here is really fun (my inner geek comes out) and right in line with the spirit of the holiday. While I am a big Alexander Hamilton fan, I shudder at the thought of "His Highness the President of the United States of America, and Protector of Their Liberties" George W. Bush (the term is the one Pres. Adams wanted applied) holding the title for life!
Anyways, this article here is really fun (my inner geek comes out) and right in line with the spirit of the holiday. While I am a big Alexander Hamilton fan, I shudder at the thought of "His Highness the President of the United States of America, and Protector of Their Liberties" George W. Bush (the term is the one Pres. Adams wanted applied) holding the title for life!
03 July 2008
Three Men and a Little Lady
So it is time to get down to the final 2 on The Bachelorette (Deanna's Revenge). Deanna (Ah, I am hearing Jesse's song in my head, in his wonderful baritone monotone). Ok, 3 dates. First (I think) was Jeremy. Jeremy had a lot in common with Deanna--they have deceased parents. This guy has absolutely no light side. None. While he did a credible imitation of a human being enjoying himself on the date, their is no whimsy in this guy. But he did take the fantasy suite card, almost looked excited, and traipsed off to "share the suite" (this is the euphemism I will use throughout). Then came Jason. Jason has a kid, who he loves very much. In case you forgot. Deanna loves kids, and, you will remember, gave the little fella a golf ball last week. In fact, he loves Deanna (ah the song) as much as the kid! Deanna is either really enchanted or creeped out by that, and audibly gasps. She then gives him the fantasy card and they also wander of to "share the sweet, uh, suite."
Now sk8erboi, Jesse enters. This guy is goofy, and fun. They have a fun date, enlivened by Jesse's one liners and quips (he is actually funny). Then the serious conversation. sk8erboi puts on his straight face and asks when she wants her three kids---ASAP, please says "D" (I do find it a sign that they are getting close when he has a little nickname for her). She asks him what he wants to be when he grows up. "A Sports Agent" replies our hero, not realizing that generally requires a law degree ("OK, then a cowboy or a fireman"). Jesse is ready to get married right there, but he will settle for......"the suite." Is anyone else creeped out by D's suite-sharing ways? I know that is the point of the show, but, Good Lord, if you stop to think about it.....
Now it is time for....the hardest rose ceremony ever. Deanna's heart is breaking. It's always breaking. It should be lying in a crumple heap on the floor with Chris Harrison putting it back together again. But, she manages to carry on. sk8erboi is safe. Now the choice, Guy With Kid Jason/Jeremy or morbid Jason/Jeremy human clone. Outta here clone-boy. Your morbid poetry has won you a ticket home. He is visibly upset (unlike last week's loser Graehme, who clearly wanted to practice his jump shot). So now, we are down to the final two. On the tell-all show, Deanna (ahhhh the song again) says she is engaged AND in love. Thank goodness for the latter. Who's it gonna be? Smart money is on........BRAD!~! Just kiddding, we will be there for her wedding with sk8erboi.
Now sk8erboi, Jesse enters. This guy is goofy, and fun. They have a fun date, enlivened by Jesse's one liners and quips (he is actually funny). Then the serious conversation. sk8erboi puts on his straight face and asks when she wants her three kids---ASAP, please says "D" (I do find it a sign that they are getting close when he has a little nickname for her). She asks him what he wants to be when he grows up. "A Sports Agent" replies our hero, not realizing that generally requires a law degree ("OK, then a cowboy or a fireman"). Jesse is ready to get married right there, but he will settle for......"the suite." Is anyone else creeped out by D's suite-sharing ways? I know that is the point of the show, but, Good Lord, if you stop to think about it.....
Now it is time for....the hardest rose ceremony ever. Deanna's heart is breaking. It's always breaking. It should be lying in a crumple heap on the floor with Chris Harrison putting it back together again. But, she manages to carry on. sk8erboi is safe. Now the choice, Guy With Kid Jason/Jeremy or morbid Jason/Jeremy human clone. Outta here clone-boy. Your morbid poetry has won you a ticket home. He is visibly upset (unlike last week's loser Graehme, who clearly wanted to practice his jump shot). So now, we are down to the final two. On the tell-all show, Deanna (ahhhh the song again) says she is engaged AND in love. Thank goodness for the latter. Who's it gonna be? Smart money is on........BRAD!~! Just kiddding, we will be there for her wedding with sk8erboi.
30 June 2008
And Then There Were Two
Get ready for the continuation of Hell's Kitchen. It's Family Reunion Time. Here are Palazzo's Dad and Lady Friend; Blonde 1's Mom and (very quiet)BF and Blonde 2 and Mumsy and Dadsy. Everyone is all choked up and everything is beautiful (in its own way). Gordon, ever the self-effacing friend to all, offers to cook up one of his signature dishes for all. Now, if any of these contestants or their families had EVER watched the show before, they might think hmmmm....maybe something is up. But only one of our heroes uncovers Chef's cunning plan--they need to recreate the dish after the family leaves. While Palazzo and B1 exchange witty banter and lovey comments with their families, B2 and her fam think about the ingredients-Mom notes a "cream sauce." Guess what? Always listen to your Mom, B2, becuase that is the one ingredient you forgot! B1 picks the wrong kind of meat (doesn't that seem impossible?) and Palazzo nails some obscure ingredient, but forgots and kind of some key ingredient or another, so B2 is the WINNER! She is very excited that she then gets to ride around on a tour bus with her parents and Chef, getting the $35 tour of LA, and then dinner at a 4-star restaurant.
On to the service. First, it is the annual rite of passage for our intrepid chef-wannabes: The "Pretend to Get Really Mad, Just Like An Actual Professional Chef" segment. Yes, it's the opportunity to yell random profantities to practice for the real contest. Palazzo just doesn't have the pit bull in him (he's a likable lug), but the B's do a great job, B1 even lacing multiple profanities in a row! That is real talent.
The service is pretty unexciting, except there's another little shenanigan to come--Chef his accomplices Chef Big Bald Guy and Soux Chef Anonymous purposefully slip up and miss ingredients when the contestants are at the pass. Who would think of such a thing?
In the end, it comes down to a pretty even contest: and, B1 is out, for no real reason. The finale looks awesome, as we have the Return of the Jeninator, ready to spew more of her folksy wisdom and banter. Will have the summary up quickly on this one---hope I haven't bit off more than I can chew.......(OK, that is the stupidest joke ever, but it popped into my head, and I am embarrassed by it, and apologize deeply).
On to the service. First, it is the annual rite of passage for our intrepid chef-wannabes: The "Pretend to Get Really Mad, Just Like An Actual Professional Chef" segment. Yes, it's the opportunity to yell random profantities to practice for the real contest. Palazzo just doesn't have the pit bull in him (he's a likable lug), but the B's do a great job, B1 even lacing multiple profanities in a row! That is real talent.
The service is pretty unexciting, except there's another little shenanigan to come--Chef his accomplices Chef Big Bald Guy and Soux Chef Anonymous purposefully slip up and miss ingredients when the contestants are at the pass. Who would think of such a thing?
In the end, it comes down to a pretty even contest: and, B1 is out, for no real reason. The finale looks awesome, as we have the Return of the Jeninator, ready to spew more of her folksy wisdom and banter. Will have the summary up quickly on this one---hope I haven't bit off more than I can chew.......(OK, that is the stupidest joke ever, but it popped into my head, and I am embarrassed by it, and apologize deeply).
26 June 2008
Home Is (Not) Where Graehme's Heart Is
OK, I admit it. I've been too busy to blog. So, in condensed format, my thoughts on reality so far this week (at least as far as I've gotten on my TIVO).
This week on the bachelorette, its time for the home visits. This is my favorite. Every contestant seems to have an "unusual" and colorful family. Some have cute pets. Others have parents who ask "sensitive" questions. It always uncomfortable for fans, contestants and bachelorette, all at once. So, let the good times roll!
DEANNA, DEANNA, DEANNA (sung to a monotonal drone by Jesse, the colorfully dressed snowboarding dude). Say this, the guy lives a nice life. He apparantley does nothing but snowboard around Utah, dude. THat's it. But, he is pretty good at it. So too is Deanna, who seemed to pick it up pretty quickly. Of course, Deanna also visualized life with Sk8ter Boi--wake up, go to snow board all day, repeat. Somehow, I don't think this is what she had in mind. Jesse paints a chariming picture of his dad, pulling up his shirt and patting his rotund belly for Deanna. That sets the mood perfectly (although thankfully, pops refrains from doing so.) But the big news, the previously circumspect Jesse, who won't go to second base until the 15th group date, finally gets a little kissing action on.
Jeremy picks DeAnna up on his motorcycle. He was wearing a helmet. He has a cute dog. He has two pleasant brothers and a very nice sister-in-law. The dog reappears. He is the most depressing human being EVER born. He woos DeAnna by reading a lengthy, depressing tome on the death of his mother. To be fair, I am sure he was broken up my this, and no one faults him for his journal, but IT IS NOT SEXY TO READ THIS STUFF UNLESS YOU ARE A BEAT POET. (Man? Woman? WOOOOOAHHHH MAN cue bongos---comment if you get the reference) He seems a perfectly nice fellow, but good lord, I am sure there are other topics to be discussed that might be a little......more fun.
And now, its KID TIME!!! Everybody loves a kid. Before meeting young Tye, DeAnna and Jason head off to the Space Needle, the Seattle landmark previously unknown to our erudite heroine. THen it is time to meet the kid. He seems cute enough. DeAnna, knowing how to charm a child, hands him a golf ball. The puzzled tyke is bullied into saying thank you. Again, this is nice, Jason loves his son. But, DeAnna weeps at the father and child reunion (is only a heartbeat away, 2x points if you can name that song). Music swells cinematically.....cut to visit with family, parents ask the usual questions, DeAnna uses pre-scripted pablum to respond, Jason says goodbye to young Ty, music swells....
AND NEXT ON THE BACHELOR, Graehme screws everything up with help from his mother. Clearly, DeAnna thinks the guy is hot (as does TD's wife), and he is the front-runner. He'd have to burn down the building to screw this one up. They shoot some baskets---for a professional, Graehme missed a hell of a lot of jumpers. I don't recall him from the NBA, so assuming he is playing for the West Huntsville Lakers or something. Graehme gives her a basketball jersey with his name on it (wow, that's either presumptive or thoughtful or stupidly done by some production assistant), and then, time to go home
Graehme's mom is quite the helper. She informs DeAnna that Graehme has never had a girlfriend for more than 4 weeks, and does all she can to sabotage any chance Graehme has at winning. ANd then, something really weird happens. Graehme gets mopey. Not pensive. Not sad. Not introspective. Mopey. Glumpirish. And he refuses to communicate. At all. But DeAnna still has the hots for him
This is going to be a tough rose ceremony. First through, sk8ter boi (i know it is a snow board, but, you see, that's not an April Lavigne tune, and I couldn't think of anything funny). Then, the weeping dad. So it is between the depressing one, and mopey but hot Graehme. And, Graehme, it is time to say your goodbyes. Chris Harrison looks a little stunned. DeAnna looks a little stunned. Graehme looks a little stunned, but not all that bummed, maybe more a bit pissed. DeAnna walks him to his car. Her face says it all--wow, did I mess up. I was waiting for her to run back and ask for a do-over. Graehme takes the limo of shame, and the week's festivities are at an end.
So, is there any chance of a proposal here? Will she ditch them all? Will she become a snowboard groupie? A depressed memoirist? A soccer-mom, handing out golf-ball party favors to all of Ty's friends at neighborhood gatherings? Will she propose to Chris Harrison, or annoucer guy? Can't wait for next Monday.
Later today, So You Think You Can Dance (perhaps the loudest judges ever, and some good dancing).
This week on the bachelorette, its time for the home visits. This is my favorite. Every contestant seems to have an "unusual" and colorful family. Some have cute pets. Others have parents who ask "sensitive" questions. It always uncomfortable for fans, contestants and bachelorette, all at once. So, let the good times roll!
DEANNA, DEANNA, DEANNA (sung to a monotonal drone by Jesse, the colorfully dressed snowboarding dude). Say this, the guy lives a nice life. He apparantley does nothing but snowboard around Utah, dude. THat's it. But, he is pretty good at it. So too is Deanna, who seemed to pick it up pretty quickly. Of course, Deanna also visualized life with Sk8ter Boi--wake up, go to snow board all day, repeat. Somehow, I don't think this is what she had in mind. Jesse paints a chariming picture of his dad, pulling up his shirt and patting his rotund belly for Deanna. That sets the mood perfectly (although thankfully, pops refrains from doing so.) But the big news, the previously circumspect Jesse, who won't go to second base until the 15th group date, finally gets a little kissing action on.
Jeremy picks DeAnna up on his motorcycle. He was wearing a helmet. He has a cute dog. He has two pleasant brothers and a very nice sister-in-law. The dog reappears. He is the most depressing human being EVER born. He woos DeAnna by reading a lengthy, depressing tome on the death of his mother. To be fair, I am sure he was broken up my this, and no one faults him for his journal, but IT IS NOT SEXY TO READ THIS STUFF UNLESS YOU ARE A BEAT POET. (Man? Woman? WOOOOOAHHHH MAN cue bongos---comment if you get the reference) He seems a perfectly nice fellow, but good lord, I am sure there are other topics to be discussed that might be a little......more fun.
And now, its KID TIME!!! Everybody loves a kid. Before meeting young Tye, DeAnna and Jason head off to the Space Needle, the Seattle landmark previously unknown to our erudite heroine. THen it is time to meet the kid. He seems cute enough. DeAnna, knowing how to charm a child, hands him a golf ball. The puzzled tyke is bullied into saying thank you. Again, this is nice, Jason loves his son. But, DeAnna weeps at the father and child reunion (is only a heartbeat away, 2x points if you can name that song). Music swells cinematically.....cut to visit with family, parents ask the usual questions, DeAnna uses pre-scripted pablum to respond, Jason says goodbye to young Ty, music swells....
AND NEXT ON THE BACHELOR, Graehme screws everything up with help from his mother. Clearly, DeAnna thinks the guy is hot (as does TD's wife), and he is the front-runner. He'd have to burn down the building to screw this one up. They shoot some baskets---for a professional, Graehme missed a hell of a lot of jumpers. I don't recall him from the NBA, so assuming he is playing for the West Huntsville Lakers or something. Graehme gives her a basketball jersey with his name on it (wow, that's either presumptive or thoughtful or stupidly done by some production assistant), and then, time to go home
Graehme's mom is quite the helper. She informs DeAnna that Graehme has never had a girlfriend for more than 4 weeks, and does all she can to sabotage any chance Graehme has at winning. ANd then, something really weird happens. Graehme gets mopey. Not pensive. Not sad. Not introspective. Mopey. Glumpirish. And he refuses to communicate. At all. But DeAnna still has the hots for him
This is going to be a tough rose ceremony. First through, sk8ter boi (i know it is a snow board, but, you see, that's not an April Lavigne tune, and I couldn't think of anything funny). Then, the weeping dad. So it is between the depressing one, and mopey but hot Graehme. And, Graehme, it is time to say your goodbyes. Chris Harrison looks a little stunned. DeAnna looks a little stunned. Graehme looks a little stunned, but not all that bummed, maybe more a bit pissed. DeAnna walks him to his car. Her face says it all--wow, did I mess up. I was waiting for her to run back and ask for a do-over. Graehme takes the limo of shame, and the week's festivities are at an end.
So, is there any chance of a proposal here? Will she ditch them all? Will she become a snowboard groupie? A depressed memoirist? A soccer-mom, handing out golf-ball party favors to all of Ty's friends at neighborhood gatherings? Will she propose to Chris Harrison, or annoucer guy? Can't wait for next Monday.
Later today, So You Think You Can Dance (perhaps the loudest judges ever, and some good dancing).
22 June 2008
Have PMS? Watch Days of Our Lives!
Well, good morning. First I would like to thank the editor of The Orangutan for giving me the privilege of sharing my thoughts on this erudite blog. And now for something completely different... while watching Days of Our Lives (recorded for our viewing pleasure on our Ti-faux Friday), we learned that Morgan had (gasp) CRAMPS! No worries. As luck would have it, Stephanie brought her unopened box of Midol with her, and she and Chelsea told Morgan how Midol will help relieve her "cramps, bloating, and backache." Poor Morgan, did you know that she also had a headache? No worries! Stephanie told her (while still holding the unopened box) that Midol will also get rid of that too! Phew. I felt so relieved. I only wished it were that time of the month so that I too could get me some Midol.
This is NOT a joke. I'm sad to report that DOOL is now integrating sponsorship into the storyline. If this is what it will take to keep the Bradys, Hortons, and gang in my life, I'll have to just make the sacrifice. I've been addicted to the show since middle school (thank you Jennifer Meyrick for passing notes in class with the storyline until I finally started watching!), and I don't know how I'll survive the void that would be left without it (note the use of the passive voice). So, you've got your marching orders: Go buy Midol! It's for a very worthy cause
This posting brought to you by Bayer HealthCare, LLC.
This is NOT a joke. I'm sad to report that DOOL is now integrating sponsorship into the storyline. If this is what it will take to keep the Bradys, Hortons, and gang in my life, I'll have to just make the sacrifice. I've been addicted to the show since middle school (thank you Jennifer Meyrick for passing notes in class with the storyline until I finally started watching!), and I don't know how I'll survive the void that would be left without it (note the use of the passive voice). So, you've got your marching orders: Go buy Midol! It's for a very worthy cause
This posting brought to you by Bayer HealthCare, LLC.
21 June 2008
Living in Hell's Kitchenette
And now, the continuation of Hell's Kitchen. Like "Gentlemen, start your engines" or "Their off," this iconic phrase signals the onset of a fierce competition in which a group of machines or highly competitive thoroughbreds fight for the right to....be soux chef at a restaurant (like Gordo will really allow one of these bozos to do more than wash the salad.)
I skipped the lobster-killing festival last week out of a love of animals (yes, I am a vegetarian and animal-lover) but was surprised to see Bobby gone, since he did seem to have a modicum of talent. So, this week we have remaining in the game, (1) fat middle-aged guy who seems nice (I think his name is Palazzo) (2) blonde private chef girl whose name begins with C and is 25 years old (3) other blonde girl whose name begins with C and is 25 years old and (4) the irrepressible Jennifer.
Chef Ramsey gathers the motley crew together to let them know they will be cooking for a very special group of 80. Who can it be? The gang all makes excited faces, and Jennifer speculates "Jay-Z? 50-Cent?" Palazzo dreams that Frank Sinatra will be attending and blondes 1 and 2 think about Timbaland. (Still don't know who this is). They have to whip up signature dishes. They all seem perfectly adequate, although Palazzo's Monte Christo sandwich is aptly summed up by J-Ego as "a heart attack inside cholesteral around closed arteries" or something else stunningly clever by HK standards. Blonde 2 runs out of food, Blonde 1 steps in with some kind of lame-looking turkey sandwich. Now who are they cooking for? Chef informs us it is actually 160 people. Cue surprised looks? Will it conjoined twins? What does the devilish JP have up his impecably dressed sleeve?
It is.......pregnant women (presumably none bearing twins or triplets, or Chef Ramsey's calculations would be off). They are hungry and surly, appearing on the verge of rioting and looting, perhaps even pillaging if they are not fed quickly. At the end of the contest, it is down to 2 votes--will it be Palazzo or Blonde 1? Blonde 1 it is. As a reward, she gets to go shopping at some chic boutique with the Chefster. Jen and Blonde 2 are clearly irritated, as they would rather be shopping than cleaning the kitchen. Palazzo appears non-plussed, as he is more comfortable working in slop than shopping for clothes.
Blondie and Chef are out for a fun shopping day! "Marvelous" coos Chef, as Blonde, whose Grandma previously purchased clothes for her, models a serious of slightly unbecoming outfits, and imagines that Gordon is flirting with her. Upon her return, Jen, always ready with a kind word, insults her fashion sense, and declines to join in the singing of Kumbaya, or any other campfire songs.
So it is here, the big service. Everyone does pretty well, except Blonde 2--she brings over a garnish in a pot so piping hot that Chef's hand turns into a sizzling fajita. Then, she does it a second time. Ramsey does not wave his hands in the air like he just don't care, but instead rips her a new one. Oddly, he is even more pissed at the gloopy risotto (soft o) that Jen (who pronounces with a long o, further irritating our hero) whips up. Really everything goes pretty well.
The group adjourns to nominate the two candidates for a return home. Utilizing a Karl Rovian strategy, Jen attempts to vote for the same person twice, and almost succeeds, since the voting system designed by the blondes appears to be the stupidest thing since the chad. Ultimately, Jen and Blonde 2 get put up. Chef Ramsey makes us think it is Blonde 2 going home......but wait, he was just fooling us, the scamp, and it is really Jen and her sparking repartee that is departing. We will miss her. Indeed, one can only hope that Jen joins the cast of the Next Food Network Star or Top Chef, so her homespun wisdom can continue to trickle into the world. Next week, everybody gets upset and runs around the kitchen, and Chef appears to swear a lot.
That's all for now...The What I Watch On My I-Touch at the Gym Post will follow later.
I skipped the lobster-killing festival last week out of a love of animals (yes, I am a vegetarian and animal-lover) but was surprised to see Bobby gone, since he did seem to have a modicum of talent. So, this week we have remaining in the game, (1) fat middle-aged guy who seems nice (I think his name is Palazzo) (2) blonde private chef girl whose name begins with C and is 25 years old (3) other blonde girl whose name begins with C and is 25 years old and (4) the irrepressible Jennifer.
Chef Ramsey gathers the motley crew together to let them know they will be cooking for a very special group of 80. Who can it be? The gang all makes excited faces, and Jennifer speculates "Jay-Z? 50-Cent?" Palazzo dreams that Frank Sinatra will be attending and blondes 1 and 2 think about Timbaland. (Still don't know who this is). They have to whip up signature dishes. They all seem perfectly adequate, although Palazzo's Monte Christo sandwich is aptly summed up by J-Ego as "a heart attack inside cholesteral around closed arteries" or something else stunningly clever by HK standards. Blonde 2 runs out of food, Blonde 1 steps in with some kind of lame-looking turkey sandwich. Now who are they cooking for? Chef informs us it is actually 160 people. Cue surprised looks? Will it conjoined twins? What does the devilish JP have up his impecably dressed sleeve?
It is.......pregnant women (presumably none bearing twins or triplets, or Chef Ramsey's calculations would be off). They are hungry and surly, appearing on the verge of rioting and looting, perhaps even pillaging if they are not fed quickly. At the end of the contest, it is down to 2 votes--will it be Palazzo or Blonde 1? Blonde 1 it is. As a reward, she gets to go shopping at some chic boutique with the Chefster. Jen and Blonde 2 are clearly irritated, as they would rather be shopping than cleaning the kitchen. Palazzo appears non-plussed, as he is more comfortable working in slop than shopping for clothes.
Blondie and Chef are out for a fun shopping day! "Marvelous" coos Chef, as Blonde, whose Grandma previously purchased clothes for her, models a serious of slightly unbecoming outfits, and imagines that Gordon is flirting with her. Upon her return, Jen, always ready with a kind word, insults her fashion sense, and declines to join in the singing of Kumbaya, or any other campfire songs.
So it is here, the big service. Everyone does pretty well, except Blonde 2--she brings over a garnish in a pot so piping hot that Chef's hand turns into a sizzling fajita. Then, she does it a second time. Ramsey does not wave his hands in the air like he just don't care, but instead rips her a new one. Oddly, he is even more pissed at the gloopy risotto (soft o) that Jen (who pronounces with a long o, further irritating our hero) whips up. Really everything goes pretty well.
The group adjourns to nominate the two candidates for a return home. Utilizing a Karl Rovian strategy, Jen attempts to vote for the same person twice, and almost succeeds, since the voting system designed by the blondes appears to be the stupidest thing since the chad. Ultimately, Jen and Blonde 2 get put up. Chef Ramsey makes us think it is Blonde 2 going home......but wait, he was just fooling us, the scamp, and it is really Jen and her sparking repartee that is departing. We will miss her. Indeed, one can only hope that Jen joins the cast of the Next Food Network Star or Top Chef, so her homespun wisdom can continue to trickle into the world. Next week, everybody gets upset and runs around the kitchen, and Chef appears to swear a lot.
That's all for now...The What I Watch On My I-Touch at the Gym Post will follow later.
Welcome to a New Contributor
The author of Stream of Conscientiousness, my favorite Left-Wing blog, has graciously consented to post her cultural musings on the Orangutan. While I question, at time, her taste in TV (she likes the Sopranos), she did introduce me to the joys of The Princess Bride, Days of Our Lives and many other fine cultural phenomena (I should also mention that I was not overly familiar with the Muppets ouevre prior to her introduction). In the interest of full candor, we are married, and watch many of the same shows with different outlooks, seldom read the same books, and listen to a lot of the same music. Looking forward to her first post!
20 June 2008
Relax--It is Time to Reflect On Nature
I felt in need of some zen today, so I spent some time staring at this web cam. I particularly recommend the beluga whales, but the penguin cam appears to be focused on shabbily dressed tourists, so for God's sake, don't look!!!
http://www.georgiaaquarium.org/exploreTheAquarium/webcam-beluga.aspx
http://www.georgiaaquarium.org/exploreTheAquarium/webcam-beluga.aspx
He Likes Basketball!! AND a movie review.
Last night on So You Think You Can Dance, Nigel Lithgoe delivered a lengthy sermon on his new-found love of the NBA, and his budding bromance with Kobe Bryant. Now, I am more comfortable with the NBA than a pas de deux, but I didn't get it. But gee, the Brit sure did get excited before booting out the lethargic salsa girl and Marquis, the acrobat.
The opener had some good choreography, but who is this Timbaland? I know Timbaland is very popular, but is it a person? A band? (This is a serious question). The guest dancer was a reject from Seasons 1-2 who did a flamenco. This was really great, as I learned that I do not appreciate the flamenco.
I did enjoy the individual dances. I would have sent Comfort home, as I found her dance lusterless, but the judges voted for the Miami schoolteacher to return to the classroom (numerous bad puns come to mind, but will refrain.) Marquis was really good IMHO, but was sent to prepare to replace Paul Hamm on the US Olympics gymnastics team.
We rented (netflixed? is that a verb?) History Boys last weekend. While an interesting story in a sort of Mr. Chips way (not the chocolate cookie, but classic 1930's British Film), I found myself bored beyond description. Richard Griffith's was very good, but I really found no surprise in the film, and no flair. If you are just going to film the play, then stick Uncle Vernon and that other woman from Harry Potter III on the stage, and shoot the play. Using an exterior shot and a few fades does not a film make. While I stayed awake--barely--this was not my favorite. I give it a C-.
I have decided, for my devoted reader(s), to keep this blog light, and avoid any mentions of law or history. I thought the next topic would be TV shows I like to watch at the gym--so, the next post will be on "Dexter" Look for it later today.
The opener had some good choreography, but who is this Timbaland? I know Timbaland is very popular, but is it a person? A band? (This is a serious question). The guest dancer was a reject from Seasons 1-2 who did a flamenco. This was really great, as I learned that I do not appreciate the flamenco.
I did enjoy the individual dances. I would have sent Comfort home, as I found her dance lusterless, but the judges voted for the Miami schoolteacher to return to the classroom (numerous bad puns come to mind, but will refrain.) Marquis was really good IMHO, but was sent to prepare to replace Paul Hamm on the US Olympics gymnastics team.
We rented (netflixed? is that a verb?) History Boys last weekend. While an interesting story in a sort of Mr. Chips way (not the chocolate cookie, but classic 1930's British Film), I found myself bored beyond description. Richard Griffith's was very good, but I really found no surprise in the film, and no flair. If you are just going to film the play, then stick Uncle Vernon and that other woman from Harry Potter III on the stage, and shoot the play. Using an exterior shot and a few fades does not a film make. While I stayed awake--barely--this was not my favorite. I give it a C-.
I have decided, for my devoted reader(s), to keep this blog light, and avoid any mentions of law or history. I thought the next topic would be TV shows I like to watch at the gym--so, the next post will be on "Dexter" Look for it later today.
19 June 2008
Reality Check--So I Think I Don't Care
OK-Last year I became enamored of reality dance shows. I think Dancing With the Stars is a television classic. Tom Bergeron is brilliant, and the very concept of watching lower-tier celebrities try to dance is priceless (why did they kick out the Gute, though?) Last year, I enjoyed So You Think You Can Dance. It has a catchy and infectious theme song, showcases actually talented performers, and is hosted by Cat Deeley, a Brit. I found myself rooting for one of the performers, and enjoyed it a lot, despite the fact that I know little about dance, and it was never my strong suit (more of a mover----sort of).
But this year, I find the whole thing--annoying. First, the judges. Mary Murphy makes me insane from her braying cackle to her "hot tamale train." How could anyone spend 30 seconds in a room with her? Now, some of the guest judges are alright, but Mia Michaels last night went on a 2 minute tangent, got booed by the crowd and recanted. The reason--the song had something to do with being inspirational to the choreographers' handicapped kid. Now, I think that's a nice story, but even to my untrained eye, the dancing sucked. So, a critique is just fine--its not being mean to the kid. Not being a "kid person" I just don't get why anytime a child is involved in something, even tangentially, the crowd must roar with approval. Ah well.
Now that my tangent is over, let me get back on track. I just don't get the show this year. Nobody I care about, most of them seem generally competent, and I really want to like Crumping, since it is a hip and cool thing to do, but I don't see how it is a combination of clowning and hip-hop. I need to take some crump lessons (I will invite you all to attend).
I do, however, enjoy, if not admire, Legally Blonde-The Search for the next Elle Woods. Admittedly, the search would be better be conducted at an EPA on West 44th, but, the performers are at least regional dinner theatre quality (although methinks they see themselves at a higher plane), and they get to work with the ah-mahzing Seth Rudetsky and others. So far, it seems pretty obvious who is going to win, but I cannot remember her name for anything. They did not appear to enjoy doing chorus numbers--I guess they are just "stars" who don't need to pay the dues. Can't wait to see what wacky stunt they will have to do next.
Finally, I am sad to see Top Chef 4 end. I was glad to see the first female top chef (or the Season 4 winner, as she prefers to be known) win. Lisa was just a depressing human being, and Richard blew it, perhaps he got a look at his hair in the mirror, or remembered that Bobby Flay whipped him on Iron Chef America a couple years ago (true fact). There is just something reassuring about seeing Tom Collichio walk through the kitchen taunting the contestants with vague comments, and then watching the former Mrs. Rushdie eat copious amounts of food while staying incredibly thing (contra to Gail Simmons).
Who is the Mole? Oh wait, this is the worst show on television, perhaps in history of television, so I don't care. But, I will post tomorrow on The Bachelorette, and later today, perhaps some more serious thinking on the Supreme Court Boudiemme decision (or on Days of Our Lives, I haven't decided which will have more far-reaching impact on our nation yet).
Cheers!
But this year, I find the whole thing--annoying. First, the judges. Mary Murphy makes me insane from her braying cackle to her "hot tamale train." How could anyone spend 30 seconds in a room with her? Now, some of the guest judges are alright, but Mia Michaels last night went on a 2 minute tangent, got booed by the crowd and recanted. The reason--the song had something to do with being inspirational to the choreographers' handicapped kid. Now, I think that's a nice story, but even to my untrained eye, the dancing sucked. So, a critique is just fine--its not being mean to the kid. Not being a "kid person" I just don't get why anytime a child is involved in something, even tangentially, the crowd must roar with approval. Ah well.
Now that my tangent is over, let me get back on track. I just don't get the show this year. Nobody I care about, most of them seem generally competent, and I really want to like Crumping, since it is a hip and cool thing to do, but I don't see how it is a combination of clowning and hip-hop. I need to take some crump lessons (I will invite you all to attend).
I do, however, enjoy, if not admire, Legally Blonde-The Search for the next Elle Woods. Admittedly, the search would be better be conducted at an EPA on West 44th, but, the performers are at least regional dinner theatre quality (although methinks they see themselves at a higher plane), and they get to work with the ah-mahzing Seth Rudetsky and others. So far, it seems pretty obvious who is going to win, but I cannot remember her name for anything. They did not appear to enjoy doing chorus numbers--I guess they are just "stars" who don't need to pay the dues. Can't wait to see what wacky stunt they will have to do next.
Finally, I am sad to see Top Chef 4 end. I was glad to see the first female top chef (or the Season 4 winner, as she prefers to be known) win. Lisa was just a depressing human being, and Richard blew it, perhaps he got a look at his hair in the mirror, or remembered that Bobby Flay whipped him on Iron Chef America a couple years ago (true fact). There is just something reassuring about seeing Tom Collichio walk through the kitchen taunting the contestants with vague comments, and then watching the former Mrs. Rushdie eat copious amounts of food while staying incredibly thing (contra to Gail Simmons).
Who is the Mole? Oh wait, this is the worst show on television, perhaps in history of television, so I don't care. But, I will post tomorrow on The Bachelorette, and later today, perhaps some more serious thinking on the Supreme Court Boudiemme decision (or on Days of Our Lives, I haven't decided which will have more far-reaching impact on our nation yet).
Cheers!
16 June 2008
The Tony's (The Tonies)
Well, wasn't that a gala evening? I have to admit, I was in a bad mood, but, I found Whoopi Goldberg utterly charmless. The "skits" were, I assume, written by a real-live actual comedy writer, but just awful. Awful.
The musical excertps largely did not do much for me. Cry-Baby number = Big Dollhouse from Hairspray (but not as funny) with uninspiring choreography. Faith Prince--pitch, dawg, just aight. Sunday in the Park, well done. Made me want to see the show. OK, I am up in the air on the eponymous Stew's show--I liked the number, but wonder if I'd want to see the whole thing. I was fully prepared to like In the Heights, but the rappin' acceptance speech sort of creeped me out (although the Sondheim shout-out was clever). As to the other revivals, Gypsy was pretty cool--it actually made me want to see it, but South Pacific? Paolo Szot had a beautiful voice, but I just cannot imagine sitting through it.
If anyone understood Mark Rylance's speech, please explain. While I laughed, I was not sure why I was laughing. Tracy Letts had his moments, though.
All in all, this was not my favorite Tony's, but high hopes for something more exciting to come along this year? Any thoughts on what that might be?
The musical excertps largely did not do much for me. Cry-Baby number = Big Dollhouse from Hairspray (but not as funny) with uninspiring choreography. Faith Prince--pitch, dawg, just aight. Sunday in the Park, well done. Made me want to see the show. OK, I am up in the air on the eponymous Stew's show--I liked the number, but wonder if I'd want to see the whole thing. I was fully prepared to like In the Heights, but the rappin' acceptance speech sort of creeped me out (although the Sondheim shout-out was clever). As to the other revivals, Gypsy was pretty cool--it actually made me want to see it, but South Pacific? Paolo Szot had a beautiful voice, but I just cannot imagine sitting through it.
If anyone understood Mark Rylance's speech, please explain. While I laughed, I was not sure why I was laughing. Tracy Letts had his moments, though.
All in all, this was not my favorite Tony's, but high hopes for something more exciting to come along this year? Any thoughts on what that might be?
15 June 2008
For Those Who Don't Like Musical Theatre
I am almost finished reading Tony Horwitz's new book, A Journey Long and Strange. He is the author of COnfederates in the Attic, and this book follows the same curious mix of history, memoir, and travelogue.
I really like his style, even though many dismiss him as a lightweight. Sure, it is not academic history. Sure, he does tend to juxtapose comic hijinx and shenanigans with discussions of massacres of French Hugenots. But, at the end, I come out a bit smarter, and thoroughly entertained.
So many non-fiction books are dry and colourless, even if written for a popular audience. Horwitz has an engaging style, and, most importantly, takes his subjects (the various characters he meets while following early American discovery, e.g. DeSoto) seriously. It would be easy to dismiss the mayor of a small town, or a Spanish conquistador re-enactor as cartoons, but Horwitz doesn't. Highly recommend for light reading.
I really like his style, even though many dismiss him as a lightweight. Sure, it is not academic history. Sure, he does tend to juxtapose comic hijinx and shenanigans with discussions of massacres of French Hugenots. But, at the end, I come out a bit smarter, and thoroughly entertained.
So many non-fiction books are dry and colourless, even if written for a popular audience. Horwitz has an engaging style, and, most importantly, takes his subjects (the various characters he meets while following early American discovery, e.g. DeSoto) seriously. It would be easy to dismiss the mayor of a small town, or a Spanish conquistador re-enactor as cartoons, but Horwitz doesn't. Highly recommend for light reading.
Welcome to the Blog/The Tonies (Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony)
Some of you may wonder, what does the name of this blog mean? Probably nothing, but it is a "Googlewhack," or "one-hit wonder." That means if you enter it (at least when I did) you get precisely one hit. Now, you will get at least two.
I am hoping to use this blog to provide my world-view on any number of things ranging from the serious (Supreme Court and other legal issues) to the mundane (Obama blah blah blah) to the ridiculous (why did Twilley get sent home on the Bachelorette.) For today's first entry: The Tony Awards--discuss.
I have not seen most of the shows, but I feel that in no way disqualifies me from selecting the winners, and arguing vehemently on their behalfs. Therefore, I present below, my official selections (if you do not like musical theatre, I will post something else later or tomorrow.
BEST MUSICAL: In the interest of fairness, I have not seen any of these. Therefore, it is obvious that Xanadu should be the winner--it is an iconic movie of my youth, and I have heard it is campy as all get out.
BEST PLAY: Tom Stoppard, yada yada yada. Conor McPhereson, get over yourself. The 39 Steps--I will rent the Hitchcock version, therefore, by default, August Osage County, by the brilliant Tracy Letts is the winner.
BEST REVIVAL PLAY: I have heard that the Scottish play is a well-written piece, and Captain Jon-Luc Picard cannot be underestimate, so THE SCOTTISH PLAY is the winner,
BEST REVIVAL MUSICAL: Grease? To quote the god-awful reality show, not the one that I want. Gypsy? You can leave after the (world's greatest) overture. South Pacific? Anyone ever done that show? Pain, pure pain. No, it is Sondheim's Sunday in the Park that must win. One of the most brilliant of Sondheim's works, even though my wife considered hurling the CD out of the car on first listening.
LEADING ACTOR PLAY: Again, Jon-Luc Picard is the winner (anyone remember his turn in I Claudius as the treacherous Sejanus? Brilliance).
LEADING ACTOR MUSICAL: While I am sure they are all very fine, and the cuts I have heard for all are excellent, let's roll with Tom Wopat for a sort of lifetime achievement award, and for singing God Bless America at the Nat's game on Memorial Day
LEADING ACTRESS MUSICAL: Big fan of all the nominees, and Kerry Butler has always been a favorite, but Jenna Evans sounds incredible on SITPWG, so she gets my imaginary vote.
FEATURED ACTOR PLAY: Raul Esparza bugs me, I hated him in Company, so he is out. The only other one I know is Bobby Cannevale, he's done Law and Order, so he is the favorite.
FEACTURED ACTRESS PLAY: Mary McCormack played Howard Stern's wife in Private Parts. That alone seems to ensure she is deserving of an award. Martha Plimpton--see too much of her, so sorry, but you lose.
FEATURED ACTOR MUSICAL: Boyd Gaines for She Loves Me, even though he is nominated for Gypsy
FEATURED ACTRESS MUSICAL: Anyone still reading? I actually thought Andrea Martin was good in Young Frankenstein, but Laura Benanti has a beautiful voice, so she wins. Question is, why wasn't Andrea Burns nominated???
I could go on for days, but for now, those are the picks.....
I am hoping to use this blog to provide my world-view on any number of things ranging from the serious (Supreme Court and other legal issues) to the mundane (Obama blah blah blah) to the ridiculous (why did Twilley get sent home on the Bachelorette.) For today's first entry: The Tony Awards--discuss.
I have not seen most of the shows, but I feel that in no way disqualifies me from selecting the winners, and arguing vehemently on their behalfs. Therefore, I present below, my official selections (if you do not like musical theatre, I will post something else later or tomorrow.
BEST MUSICAL: In the interest of fairness, I have not seen any of these. Therefore, it is obvious that Xanadu should be the winner--it is an iconic movie of my youth, and I have heard it is campy as all get out.
BEST PLAY: Tom Stoppard, yada yada yada. Conor McPhereson, get over yourself. The 39 Steps--I will rent the Hitchcock version, therefore, by default, August Osage County, by the brilliant Tracy Letts is the winner.
BEST REVIVAL PLAY: I have heard that the Scottish play is a well-written piece, and Captain Jon-Luc Picard cannot be underestimate, so THE SCOTTISH PLAY is the winner,
BEST REVIVAL MUSICAL: Grease? To quote the god-awful reality show, not the one that I want. Gypsy? You can leave after the (world's greatest) overture. South Pacific? Anyone ever done that show? Pain, pure pain. No, it is Sondheim's Sunday in the Park that must win. One of the most brilliant of Sondheim's works, even though my wife considered hurling the CD out of the car on first listening.
LEADING ACTOR PLAY: Again, Jon-Luc Picard is the winner (anyone remember his turn in I Claudius as the treacherous Sejanus? Brilliance).
LEADING ACTOR MUSICAL: While I am sure they are all very fine, and the cuts I have heard for all are excellent, let's roll with Tom Wopat for a sort of lifetime achievement award, and for singing God Bless America at the Nat's game on Memorial Day
LEADING ACTRESS MUSICAL: Big fan of all the nominees, and Kerry Butler has always been a favorite, but Jenna Evans sounds incredible on SITPWG, so she gets my imaginary vote.
FEATURED ACTOR PLAY: Raul Esparza bugs me, I hated him in Company, so he is out. The only other one I know is Bobby Cannevale, he's done Law and Order, so he is the favorite.
FEACTURED ACTRESS PLAY: Mary McCormack played Howard Stern's wife in Private Parts. That alone seems to ensure she is deserving of an award. Martha Plimpton--see too much of her, so sorry, but you lose.
FEATURED ACTOR MUSICAL: Boyd Gaines for She Loves Me, even though he is nominated for Gypsy
FEATURED ACTRESS MUSICAL: Anyone still reading? I actually thought Andrea Martin was good in Young Frankenstein, but Laura Benanti has a beautiful voice, so she wins. Question is, why wasn't Andrea Burns nominated???
I could go on for days, but for now, those are the picks.....
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